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Post by nonrabbit on Apr 19, 2015 8:10:20 GMT
Many people have PM'd us with their problems over the years ranging from; "Why did no one understand my love of Tull until now?" "Why can't I meet someone who shares my love of cats, chillies and flutes?" " Am I the only one who doesn't find Strange Album covers funny? So we've decided to open our arms and share the collective two hundred and twenty years of experience we have of life to help and console. Feel free to ask anything - anything. Here's a couple we've had recently. Dear Mauds, I've been a Tull fan since I saw them at the 40th anniversary. My mum's dog attacked our postman. I tried to help him then one thing led to another and now I think I'm pregnant. Thanks Chelsee Dear Chelsee, Glad you enjoyed the 40th concerts. Is the postman still on his rounds? You might want to try and trace him - you might need a reg number and/or barcode. Check out HE Love Mauds Dear Mauds, I've always played in a band and generally got on with everyone lately however I've noticed a few strange things happening that I can't quite put my finger on. For instance I always sat at the front of the tour bus - my seat was first left at the window now for the last few weeks that seat is taken by one of the roadies - called Jeff. The other day I was tuning my electric guitar and I asked Jeff if he would mind fetching me a packet of strings usually he would say "No probs Mate" however what happened this time took me by surprise. I was told that he was told that I had to buy my own strings as the budget did not allow it any more! I've asked the rest but they're not bothered as they get what they want. Do I have a problem? Cheers Tarquin Dear Tarquin, We've came across this type of problem before in bands. The strings on your electric guitar have a major impact on its sound and playability. If you've taken a look at the huge Musician’s Friend guitar string assortment, you've likely realized that there’s a lot to consider in figuring out which strings are right for you and your instrument. Read on to find the strings that best match your electric guitar, music, and playing style. thehub.musiciansfriend.com/guitar-buying-guides/how-to-choose-the-right-strings-for-your-electric-guitarCheers The Mauds
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Post by onewhiteduck on Apr 19, 2015 11:00:36 GMT
Dear Maude.
I can't stop fantasizing about dressing up like Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull.
Sometimes when I am alone I put on a codpiece and tights. I stand in front of the mirror on one leg and play with my flute while singing 'Up to Me' from the Aqualung album.
The final straw came this morning when I forgot I was dressed as Mr Anderson and answered the front door!!!!!
Luckily it was the Mormons and I told them I was a feminist and would 'only listen to female leaders'.
Its Breaking Me Up.
Please Help.
Thanks.
Sossity ( I think I'm a Woman )
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Post by nonrabbit on Apr 19, 2015 12:24:17 GMT
Dear Maude. I can't stop fantasizing about dressing up like Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. Sometimes when I am alone I put on a codpiece and tights. I stand in front of the mirror on one leg and play with my flute while singing 'Up to Me' from the Aqualung album. The final straw came this morning when I forgot I was dressed as Mr Anderson and answered the front door!!!!! Luckily it was the Mormons and I told them I was a feminist and would 'only listen to female leaders'. Its Breaking Me Up. Please Help. Thanks. Sossity ( I think I'm a Woman ) Dear Sossity, Sossity, my love, you didn't leave a contact number however if your still reading this please understand that your not alone - far from it! There's lots of people like you who imagine they're Ian Anderson (some of them even form dangerous opinions of their own and then try to pass them off as Ian's) Only the other day I was pushing the trolley around the Malmsbury branch of Waitrose and as I turned into the aisle with the reduced section -next to the South Pacific tuna (caught by smiling fisherman with soft, gentle hands -according to the label) I almost bumped into a man who was frantically grabbing the reduced items greedily with both hands. The man was wearing black jeans, a waistcoat and a bandanna - on his head. What struck me apart from the fact he wasn't leaving anything on the shelf, was his uncanny likeness to the rock and occasional classic- flute player Mr A. What really threw me though was the song he was singing to himself as he threw the goods in the basket... " I've started, so I'll finish, I'm here so I'll stay. Shopping with the little lady - bargains all the way" So you see Sossity - be true to yourself. Maybe not in certain places though... Wiltshire, Parent's night at the local school, Wales.
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Post by steelmonkey on Apr 20, 2015 1:07:19 GMT
Dear Maude,
If my grandmother has a beard, is she my grandfather?
Here I sit confused.
Thanks in advance for clarity,
Gerd H. Berlin
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Post by nonrabbit on Apr 20, 2015 8:12:22 GMT
Dear Maude, If my grandmother has a beard, is she my grandfather? Here I sit confused. Thanks in advance for clarity, Gerd H. Berlin Dear Gerd, Thank you for your heartfelt and lengthy PM - we've only posted a snippet. I have read some harrowing stories over the years but yours has affected me deeply. If I may quote something you said that surely sums up the enormity of your past situation; " ..just because I chose a different path and got lost along the way then chose another path and that path lead me to the wrong path which in turn brought me right back to the original path..." Gerd, that surely must say something to you. It says to me that you indeed chose the right "path" in joining the religious order - not only do you have much to pray for but the choice of motorcycle courier just wouldn't have worked out. On the point of your grandmother's follicle issues - there are may creams available that will eliminate the excessive hair growth and will certainly make your grandmother more presentable as you wheel her about. Yours The Mauds
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Post by nonrabbit on Apr 22, 2015 10:11:08 GMT
Dear Mauds, I'm a mature rock star of long standing and in between thinking up imaginative ways to reissue my back catalogue of work, add to my chilli collection, observe my cats at play, collect the fortnightly edition of Build Your Own Seed Drill ( 340 issues at £12.99 - first issue 99p) and play with my instrument at the side of the indoor heated swimming pool I wondered if you could recommend any light reading material? Ta Bob Dear Bob, Lovely to hear from you - who are you again? You've given me some clues as to your myriad of interests hopefully these will be worth forking out for on Amazon. i60.images obliterated by tinypic/st4p.jpg[/IMG] i58.images obliterated by tinypic/2ugdum8.jpg[/IMG] and as it's always a good idea to diversify now and then thought this might complement the seed drill fixation. i61.images obliterated by tinypic/35mehba.jpg[/IMG]
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Post by steelmonkey on Apr 22, 2015 20:01:08 GMT
I'll be with you in a minute. I'm in the john, Dear.
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Post by jackinthegreen on Apr 22, 2015 20:14:32 GMT
I'll be with you in a minute. I'm in the john, Dear. Very good... I used to love tractors, not any more... ..I'm an extractor fan.....
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Post by nonrabbit on Apr 22, 2015 20:28:54 GMT
I used to love tractors, not any more... ..I'm an extractor fan..... as in a hobby, a career or just a casual fan?
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Post by rredmond on Apr 23, 2015 17:56:52 GMT
Dear Mauds, I've been a Tull fan since I saw them at the 40th anniversary. My mum's dog attacked our postman. I tried to help him then one thing led to another and now I think I'm pregnant. Thanks Chelsee She means the postman's baby... right?
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Post by steelmonkey on Apr 24, 2015 2:49:48 GMT
If he rings twice you have to be prepared and protected twice...it's that second ring that causes pregnancy and the postman always rings twice.
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Post by maddogfagin on Apr 24, 2015 8:58:20 GMT
Dear Mauds
My friend has a problem concerning Jethro Tull.
(Actually don't print this but it's me)
He is constantly being bombarded by various companies to buy new and improved versions of classic Tull albums on vinyl. His problem is this: He recently gave his top of the range turntable to his eldest Granddaughter as she had "realised that vinyl has a nicer tone/ambience to the cold and clinical digital formats" - her words apparently not his.
Now does he go ahead and purchase these vinyl albums and ask her for his turntable back or does he let her keep the turntable and he puts off buying the vinyl ?
Your advice in this matter would be appreciated by my friend.
G
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Post by nonrabbit on Apr 24, 2015 10:51:12 GMT
Dear Mauds My friend has a problem concerning Jethro Tull. (Actually don't print this but it's me)He is constantly being bombarded by various companies to buy new and improved versions of classic Tull albums on vinyl. His problem is this: He recently gave his top of the range turntable to his eldest Granddaughter as she had "realised that vinyl has a nicer tone/ambience to the cold and clinical digital formats" - her words apparently not his. Now does he go ahead and purchase these vinyl albums and ask her for his turntable back or does he let her keep the turntable and he puts off buying the vinyl ? Your advice in this matter would be appreciated by my friend. G G - here's what you tell your mate, 1. It could be a hell of a lot worse - you could be bombarded by something else. 2. Pat on the head for being kind enough to give his offspring his top notch turntable. 3. Pat on the head for passing on great musical appreciation genes to said offspring. 4. Go ahead and spend merrily on whatever takes your fancy,turntables, vinyl,chocolate cupcakes - you only live once. Cheerio The Mauds
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2015 13:23:06 GMT
Dear Mauds My friend has a problem concerning Jethro Tull. (Actually don't print this but it's me)He is constantly being bombarded by various companies to buy new and improved versions of classic Tull albums on vinyl. His problem is this: He recently gave his top of the range turntable to his eldest Granddaughter as she had "realised that vinyl has a nicer tone/ambience to the cold and clinical digital formats" - her words apparently not his. Now does he go ahead and purchase these vinyl albums and ask her for his turntable back or does he let her keep the turntable and he puts off buying the vinyl ? Your advice in this matter would be appreciated by my friend. G Advice - can you hear me over the snap, crackle, pop. Nothing more stubborn than a vinyl lover. It's all in the mastering, the LP/CD medium does not matter. The truth; mastered correctly the CD should outshine the LP because of vinyl surface noise. CD can handle bass way better. crazy thread! Besides Tull on DVD is usually a winner! BLu-ray, DVD-A, SACD, now we are totally slaying that vinyl dragon. LOL Must add: snap, crackle, pop. A cereal for vinyl lovers. - STOP ME!
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Post by nonrabbit on Mar 13, 2016 10:03:20 GMT
Dear Mauds,
I've met a lovely woman however she's not THAT interested in Tull.
How do I persuade her that she is missing out on the most incredibly wonderful, joyous, multi-layered,extraordinary gifted and worthwhile weakness she could ever imagine without sounding too over the top?
Love
A Welsh animal
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